monalisa*

yesterday, i handed out keys to doors i had kept locked away for the past decade.

i confessed my love & acceptance for the one that got away. i admitted wrongs & leftover guilt to my right hand. i shared my fears & paranoia with a confidante.

i revealed my “number” to a lover along with a dozen stories from my past, and watched as he painfully absorbed years & years of heartache, naiveté, mistrust, shame & confusion. experiments in all types of conditional love - from self-serving to unrequited - on a quest for the unconditional.

instead of finally convincing him that i’m as fcked up as i’ve proclaimed to be, he finally understood my extremes of aversion & surrender, sympathizing over my misguidance. encouraging the type of forgiveness i’d never allowed myself or anyone else.

i admit it feels odd traveling without my emotional cargo, but peace-of-mind is the perfect carry-on.

things i said i’d never do:

1. hurt a fly
2. lie again
3. call a man “daddy” during sex

oh well. 2 out of 3 isn’t so bad.

;)