1 month ago -I never understood people who leaped from relationship to relationship. The love they denied themselves and therein all those suffering hearts that had to face the reality of walking voids. And yet, I understand it all too well. I can’t seem to put my finger on what I’m waiting for, all these visions dancing on the walls in my bedroom. The people we couldn’t allow to love us. The boys I could never save; the gift of giving I was always trying to give. When you impart some one with an act of kindness, with a passionate kiss, a careful touch of skin, the catastrophic firework of two people thrusting, when you offer consoling words, or deep diaphragm laughter, when you give a stranger a smile—you are thanking the universe for love. You are fueling the world with a context for how to receive and give love. Your words are not to be taken lightly nor ever too seriously, because they speak reality into existence. It is our imaginations that will save us from ourselves. It is the ability to gravitate towards the goodness inside you. It took me years to be this woman and time is of no relevance. Its what you do with time that transforms seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, and hours to days so on and so on.
111
ADJECTIVE
1. odd: strange or unusual
2. supernatural: belonging to or suggesting the supernatural
3. of fate: relating to or influenced by fate ( archaic )
[ Old English wyrd “fate” < Indo-European, “turn” ]
weird·ly ADVERB
weird·ness NOUN
6
it’s what i become, not what i believe.
don’t let your mind become victim
to what your eyes see.
replace chocolates with marshmallows and this is pretty much my heart, in illustrated form. thanks whoever-drew-this. you’re a genius (or a soulmate).
(Source: workshoperotica)
people keep telling me that i look happy lately. or pretty. or whatever. i guess. if that’s what you want to call it, then fine. better than fine. that’s great, actually. my first reaction is to (blush and) say thank you. my second reaction is to figure out why. what could be happening beneath the surface.
all i can say is, i’m slowly but surely falling in love with… something. i’m not quite sure what it is yet, but i’ve been waiting for it all my life. these moments. since the day i was born. and it’s finally happening. my passion. my purpose.
…like a phoenix, i’m being reborn.
5 months ago - 4
Lately, I’ve been feeling so blocked. Like my mental drain was clogged. So I made a pact with myself to not do any real work this Sunday. That means no business emails, calls, texts, proposals, blogging, coding, programming, billing… nada.
I also lifted the societal pressure I put on myself to do something extraordinary before Monday hits again. So no invitations, no Yelp’ing, no Google Map’ing, no Doing Over.
To prevent temptation from any of my old tricks, I also honored some sort of invisible ban on marijuana, wine, alcohol, even music. Any of my usual head trips and distractions were kept politely out of reach.
So, what did I end up doing? I spent hours & hours in the nude, feet up in front of the fan. Reading & researching. Studying life and the internet as we know it. Completely natural minus the chipped Barbie-pink nail polish on my fingers & toes. Talk about fucking liberation. :)
Blackberry & iPad (with all their alerts) nowhere in sight…I read a few chapters from a book on African-American sociology & psychology. I set up some Sparks on Google+ in got lost in them for a while. Mainly on entrepreneurship, Harry Potter, advertising and self-actualization. I did some research on my muse Necole Bitchie, trying to figure out why people throw so much shade (All I came up with is: she’s pretty, popular and paid. Throw business-savvy in there and she’s pretty much an open target for shade). I actually paid attention to people as people, and not just creators of content for blog posts, tweets, posts, etc. Found some shit to laugh at. Saved some photos for inspiration. Learned some new things.
But the most valuable part, for me, was letting hours and hours go by naturally without feeling like I wasted one second. No agendas. No to-do’s. No incoming links. No outgoing feedback. No interruptions. No guilt. No shade.
If I can do this at least once a week, I’ll have found my way back to heaven. Until then, I’ll enjoy these last few bits of freedom before the boy gets home - with or without clothing. We’ll see…
As a cure for worrying, work is far better than whiskey. I always found that, if I began to worry, the best thing I could do was focus upon doing something useful and then work very hard at it. Soon, I would forget what was troubling me.
1
7. RESISTANCE IS INSIDIOUS
Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate, falsify; seduce, bully, cajole. Resistance is protean. It will assume any form, if that’s what it takes to deceive you. It will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stick-up man. Resistance has no conscience. It understands nothing but power. Resistance cannot be negotiated with. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned. If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.
